The Uffington Post - The Right To Roll In Slugs

The Uffington Post

This is where I say stuff...

The Right To Roll In Slugs

23rd-Apr-2008 06:13 pm

I really must post this...

Wed, April 23, 2008
The clean green grass of home
New law bans lawn chemicals
By JONATHAN JENKINS, QUEEN'S PARK BUREAU

Indifferent to the scrum of reporters and cameras behind them, Frankie, Anna and Maria focused instead on a mini rugby ball and a spinning top --exactly what Premier Dalton McGuinty wanted yesterday as he announced his government would ban the cosmetic use of chemical pesticides and herbicides.

"It's the right of kids to play in the grass, roll around in the grass and learn to somersault in the grass, without compromising their health," McGuinty said in the back yard of a private home near Avenue Rd. and St. Clair Ave. "It's really all about them (children)."

Legislation banning the use and sale of lawn and garden chemicals was a key campaign promise of McGuinty during last year's general election.

"This law will be the toughest of its kind in North America," McGuinty said of the new bill, which if passed will come into effect next spring.

Almost on cue, Home Depot Canada announced that it would phase out the sale of herbicides, insecticides, fungicides, slug baits, moss control products and lawn fertilizers with weed control by the end of 2008.

Instead, the company said it would increase its selection of "environmentally friendly alternatives".

Neither McGuinty nor Environment Minister John Gerretsen offered many details on what the law would include or how it would be structured.

Penalties would likely be fines, they said. But they noted exemptions for agriculture, golf courses and health emergencies, such as an outbreak of West Nile virus.

But Peter MacLeod, from the industry trade association CropLife Canada, said lawn care products have already gone through a rigourous approval process with Health Canada.

The province, he said, should not try to supersede that process.

#1 - " "It's the right of kids to play in the grass, roll around in the grass and learn to somersault in the grass, without compromising their health," McGuinty said in the back yard of a private home near Avenue Rd. and St. Clair Ave. "It's really all about them (children)." "

BLEEUUUDDHHDHGCHHHCLSSLCHHH! VOMIT! A LOT OF VOMIT!

We elected this guy?!

Guh... Its for... the children.

AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

#2 - Note, this ban includes slug baits. Its the right of kids to play in the slugs! Roll around in the slugs! And learn to somersault in the slugs!

I won't even get into the right children have to roll around on other people's lawns, but you heard it right from the top of the Ontario government food chain. I suggest making sure you forget to stoop and scoop from this point out to discourage random children from exercising their rights in your backyard.

In another article it implied this ban included insecticides for outdoor use, but not for indoor. So you cannot treat your yard for bugs, but if your cat bring in bugs, you can hose your carpet down at your leisure. Don't get unreasonable here children, you do not have the right to roll around on the carpet obviously, that would be going too far.

The confusing part, and something I did not see adequately addressed anywhere was one article seemed to imply this would include bug spray. I presume that to mean like 'Off' or whatever that you put on to keep mosquitoes away. If that is the case... umm... hrm. I am buying a giant hamster ball with air conditioning to roll around in.

While it may be the right of children to somersault on slug infested lawns, I did not think it was the right of children to roll around on me, somersault on me. You kids and the slugs can do what you want, leave me out of it. So this ban better not be leaving me without my mosquito-go-elsewhere-and-die spray. I am not sure keeping mosquitoes infested with malaria and west nile and itching badness counts as cosmetic use of pesticides, but in my opinion, it sure as hell is not. I mean dandelions are one thing, but I am not dealing with bugs 'for the children'. 'Nuff Said.

#3 - *VOMITS AGAIN*

#4 - I really have no solid opinion on the subject, I am just utterly *twitch* at the saccharine vileness of 'its for the children'.

#5 - I am actually quite a pleasant person, all suggestions that children somersault in dog feces aside... *happy thumbs up face! :D*

Tags:politics, stuff i read in a newspaper, vomits with rage
Music:Silversun Pickups - Well Thought Out Twinkles

Comments

23rd-Apr-2008 11:12 pm (UTC)

detailbear

Somewhat surprisingly, this is your only "vomits with rage" post.

24th-Apr-2008 12:10 am (UTC)

equus_albus

Not sure if I say I will work on that or not...

24th-Apr-2008 12:19 am (UTC)

pensivegargoyle

No, DEET (what's in Off, etc.) isn't a pesticide and so isn't part of the ban. I think we can do without the "won't somebody *please* think of the children?!" bit, but there are very sound reasons to ban the excessive use of pesticides for cosmetic purposes. More information on this than you really want here: http://www.ocfp.on.ca/local/files/Communications/Current%20Issues/Pesticides/Final%20Paper%2023APR2004.pdf

24th-Apr-2008 12:30 am (UTC)

equus_albus

The problem is when someone invokes 'think of the children' I instantly think any sound reason are bullshit because the people selling the ideas had to go with that lameness. I mean, you could say, 'For the children's sake, the sky is blue right?' and I would likely wonder how I am being lied to.

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